The Heart Of The Matter
by Big City
Summary: Even if, even if...you don't love me anymore? Why did you leave S...SxR


This is a sad oneshot about Rin's thoughts on her parents and family she had before they died. I may make a sequel to this story but for now it is a oneshot. I hope you all like it. The song is called ' The Heart of The Matter' by India Arie and I think it fits very well with the song. NO FLAMES! I think it fits very well with the story! Had to change some parts because the lyrics wasn't right but it fits all the same. I think I will add this song to one of my future stories also. Bye!

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Rin stood upon the balcony as she looked out into the night. It had been three years since she became Sesshomaru's mate and received immortality. She had to put her children to bed early again. The oldest who was demon was named Shindo and he looked just like his father. The second oldest Shanyuri looked like his father as well except for the black streak of hear of hair on the side of his face. He was born on year after Shindo. The two demons were two of five children. The twins Calrae and Sharae looked like there mother but acted like there father even though they had her looks. Shanyuri acted more like his mother even though he looked like his father. The youngest and newborn was Rehyuri who looked like both Sesshomaru and Rin. Sesshomaru's eyes and Rin's smile. He took a long time to get to bed.

Sesshomaru was just returning from his meeting from the south as Rin was notified earlier. She was thinking about her family that she used to have. Her mother to be exact. She knew nothing of her father except that he died before she was born and that her mother and fell in love with a kind, strong demon. Was her living even that important? Did they love her enough? Did they try to save her when her village burned. Where were they now? Had they ever committed sins? Did she have any other siblings? ", Well I remember I had a brother.", said Rin as she thought it over. Was he the same way? Did he care about her? Protect her? She didn't even remember his voice which was sad as she cried softly. Tear after tear of pain and loss falling to the garden below. Sobbing as she tried to regian herself she thought about them some more. Would they even accept her children? Would they love them as they loved her? Coldness was a weakness to her and she knew it. The silent breeze blowing through as if some one was trying to talk to her. The pain that was inside her heart that she had kept forever.

Her step-father she knew is still out there. And from sorces she knew that he was still looking for her. Dead or alive he would know but would he ever find her? ", My step-father will never find me.It is just immpossible.", said Rin as she recalled his name was Kane. ", Kane, my father.", whispered Rin slowly.

The way her mother had hugged her filled her memory as she was mad now that they left her alone, to die but she knew it wasn't that way. Yes, warm quiet memories came back as she was running to her mother, playing with her brother. Looking into her eyes of her step-father who was a demon of some land far away as she laughed when he picked her up and smiled. The songs her mother use to sing to her. She thought back to what she had told her one day.

**Flashback:**

_", I know when you grow up someday Rin, you shall have a child as well.", said her mother as they giggled._

_", Will you be there to help me mommy? Always?", asked Rin as she looked at her mother._

_", Maybe not always but someday soon you shall see a bird. A white bird across the sky. That is an angel for you Rin. I will always be with you. So will Kito and your father. Always in your heart.", said her mother as she hugged her close, placing a kiss on her cheek._

**Flashback end:**

Rin touched the cheek where her mother had kissed her and inhaled deeply as she felt a new stream of tears come down her face.

", I use to be alone...but now I was found, and protected, and..loved. I think that was all she would have wanted for me. But they could have left in time. My brother died saving me. I wish i could see her one last time. For her to see how I have changed. The women inside me came from her and I shall never forget that.", said Rin as she took out a necklace that was her mother's the only thing she kept by her side always to remember her.Her hard work and will to be alive. To stay alive. Rin didn't know the five figures come into the room suddenly not making a sound but just watching before they butted in.

She thought of a song that she heard long ago before she began to see into the night. As she cried tears of pain, loss, and saddness

I_ got the call today, I didn't want to hear. But I knew that it would come.  
An ole' true friend of ours was talking on the wind. She said you found someone.  
And I thought of all the bad luck and all the struggles we went through. How I lost me,  
and You lost you. What are all these voices outside loves open door. Makes us throw off our contentment and beg for  
something more. _

Chorus sad.  
I've been learning to live without you now. But I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand. And all  
the things I thought I knew( thought I'd figured out). I'm learning them again.

I've been trying to get down. To the heart of the matter, but (then) my Will gets weak. And my thoughts (heart) seem to  
scatter. But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. Even if, even if You don't love me anymore.

Verse 2  
These times are so uncertain, there's a yearning undefined and people filled with rage. We all need a littler tenderness,  
how can Love survive in such a graceless age. And the trust and self assurance that lead to happiness are the very things  
we kill I guess. Pride and competition can not fill these empty arms. And the wall we they put between us you know it  
doesn't keep us warm.

Chorus: I've been trying to live without you now. But I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand. And all  
the things I thought I'd figured out. I have to learn again.

I've been trying to get down. To the heart of the matter, but (then) my Will gets weak. And my heart is so  
shattered. But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. Even if, even if You don't love me anymore.  
_  
Verse 3  
Oooh, there are people in your life who've come and gone. They let you down. (You know) They hurt your pride. Got put it  
all behind you, cause life goes on. You keep carrying it in anger, it will eat you up inside!. You'll live happily ever  
after...And my heart is so shattered. But I know it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. Even if, even if you don't love me. _

I've been trying to get down. To the heart of the matter.. Because the flesh gets weak and the ashes will scatter. So thinking about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if you don't love me anymore... even if you don't love me anymore...

", It's so hard...to not have you around anymore.", said Rin as she suddenly heard someone speak. Sharae.

", We love you mommy, we all do. I'm sure that your mommy loved you to. just like you loved us, were hear for you.", said Sharae as she walked up with the others as Rin saw her family included Sesshomaru come stand in front of her.

", Yeah, and even though me Sharae and I get on your nerves sometimes we know that you still love us and will always be here.", said Calrae as she hugged her mommy's leg as she picked her up.

", Th-Thank you Sharae.", said Rin as she put her down before her oldest son, Shindo came to speak.

", Even if your mother may not be here today, she will always be in your heart mother, there are sometimes things that we can't forget and even if we do forget them they never go away completely. I can't exactly say how much you miss her but I can tell. I want you to know that along side my schedule I am always here if you want to talk about it.", said Shindo as he smiled at his mother.

", Thank you..", said Rin as she rubbed her eyes a little.

", Now it's my turn, sometimes you have fears that your family was never what it was ment to be, even if you have brats for siblings-Hey!- but they are still your family, they may have doe something that caused a great pain in your heart, but you don't have to go through it alone, we can all go through it together. No matter how much it hurts were going to make sure you get better. Okay. What was your mother's name mother?'', asked Shanyuri as Rin breathed deeply before answering.

", Her name was...was... Starkira. ", said Rin as she remembered correctly. She felt a new stream of tears as she took this all in. They all could sense she was about to cry again as this time it would be big.

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around Rin as she just broke down and cried on his chest, he didn't mind at all for the others were use to there moments like this. She cried like she never cried before. Like a deep wound reopened as all the pain in her heart came open. As she remembered what memories she had left of them. The laughter of her mother, the voice of her brother, the crackling and burning of the fire, the screams of people.

", It's okay mommy", said Clarae and Sharae at the same time as she seemed to not be listening to them at the moment.

", Rin, it's okay. We are all here. I went through the same thing a long time ago. I think she has already forgiven you. She loved you and she always will. Forgivness is what makes the feeling of being loved even better than it is. It's okay. We'll try to find your step-father if that is your wish. ", said Sesshomaru as he called her hearing that he had went somewhere.

", It doesn't matter, he is never coming back.", whispered Rin as she fanited slowly on his shoulder from crying.

", IS MOMMY OAKY!", yelled Sharae asshe touched her mother's hand.

", Don't yelled Sharae. Mother is fine, she is just tired from the crying and loss. Let's go, it is your bedtime anyway.", said Shindo as he picked up both girls.

", But we wanna stay here with mommy!", said both girls as they tired to get away.

", We'll put them to bed.", said Shayuri to his father who only nodded his head a he held Rin closer.

When the childern had left Sesshomaru laid down and took something out of Rin's hand and by thinking about it he knew it was a necklace that belonged to her mother. Starkira. It was a brownish black color but on the medallion which what it was had a symbol that looked like a heart with tears around it and a red ribbon circling it. That is when Sesshomaru got an idea.

The next day Rin awoke to Sesshomaru gone from her side and the dried tears on her face cleaned along with a clean kimono on her bed, along with a note.

", What is going on? I was sad last night I remember and then they all said how they would be here for me. What are they planning because of that?'', thought Rin as she opened the note and found it was her mate's writing.

_Rin,_

_The twins along with our sons are already awake. _

_We are in the northern garden tat overlooks the castle behind the oak trees. _

_Come there for we have something to show you._

_- Sesshomaru._

Rin was confused at what he was saying.

She reached for her mother's medalillon to find that it was not there.

", Where is it!", asked Rin as she knew Sesshomaru must have it.

", Well, I think I shall go find out.", said Rin as she began to get ready.

", What are they planning? Thought Rin as she bathed then changed into the whiteish gold kimono that was set out and let her hair be free before making her way to the garden.

When she got there she gasped as she saw her family including her baby there smiling as they stood in front of something.

", What is this!", asked Rin suprised as her oldest Shindo came forth.

", This...is for you.", said Shindo as he gave her, her mother's medallion before they all moved to reveal a hugeblack stone block with gold words and the song in red stone block with words on it, this is what it said:

**The Heart of The Matter...**

**Stakira**

**A well strong mother who was always thinking of her family, even in times of hardness.**

**Who made us all belive that we are something, that told her daugther the same.**

**Who gave birth to a very beauitful and hard working women.**

**Who was brave enough.**

**To melt even the coldest of hearts.**

**So whenever this women cries for you.**

**She knows that you put your will power in.**

**Time and Knowing.**

**Peace and Blood.**

**Life and Love...**

**To ensure the lives of others.**

**And even though your not here today .**

**Which angered her.**

**She has brought forgivness apon you.**

**We love you grandmom.**

**I honor you mother-in-law.**

**Your always in our hearts.**

**Now this song...**

**Was thought up by the women.**

**Who missed you most.**

_**I got the call today, I didn't want to hear. But I knew that it would come.  
An ole' true friend of ours was talking on the wind. She said you found someone.  
And I thought of all the bad luck and all the struggles we went through. How I lost me,  
and You lost you. What are all these voices outside loves open door. Makes us throw off our contentment and beg for  
something more. **_

Chorus  
I've been learning to live without you now. But I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand. And all  
the things I thought I knew( thought I'd figured out). I'm learning them again.

I've been trying to get down. To the heart of the matter, but (then) my Will gets weak. And my thoughts (heart) seem to  
scatter. But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. Even if, even if You don't love me anymore.

Verse 2  
These times are so uncertain, there's a yearning undefined and people filled with rage. We all need a littler tenderness,  
how can Love survive in such a graceless age. And the trust and self assurance that lead to happiness are the very things  
we kill I guess. Pride and competition can not fill these empty arms. And the wall we they put between us you know it  
doesn't keep us warm.

_**Chours:  
I've been trying to live without you now. But I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand. And all  
the things I thought I thought I'd figured out. I have to learn again.**_

_**I've been trying to get down. To the heart of the matter, but (then) my Will gets weak. And my heart is so shattered.  
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. Even if, even if You don't love me anymore.**_

**_Verse 3  
Oooh, there are people in your life who've come and gone. They let you down. You know They hurt your pride. Got put it  
all behind you, cause life goes on. You keep carrying it in anger, it will eat you up inside! You'll live happily ever  
after...And my heart _**is**_ so shattered. But I know it's about forgiveness, forgiveness. Even if, even if you don't love me._**

_**I've been trying to get down. To the heart of the matter.. Because the flesh gets weak and the ashes will scatter. So thinking about forgivness, forgivness. Even you don't love me anymore...even if you don't love me anymore...**_

**We want you to know that as long as the Western Land Royal Family is alive we shall always remember your being and help the ones that loss for you in there time of need.**

**Signed:**

**Lord Sesshomaru.**

**Lady Rin**

**Master Shindo**

**Master Shanyuri**

**Lady Sharae**

Rin cried as she felt Sesshomaru kiss her again as she knew they all really cared.

", Thank you so much. I can't say how much this means to me. Thank you! All of you! I love you all. Escpeacilly you Sesshomaru!", said Rin as she hugged Sesshomaru.

", That's not all Rin, look...", said Sesshomaru as Rin turned around to find a man no a demon appearing before her as he looked at Rin.

", I think I know you...", said Rin as the demon laughed. She found that familair.

", Maybe you do, Rin. Daugther of Starkira.", said the demon as he smiled. Rin touched his hand and sudddenly it came to her.

", FATHER!", said Rin as she remembered and hugged him close.

", I was so worried when I found out your village was attacked. I was in war so I coudln't get there in time. I'm sorry. I saved your mother's body from the fire but your brother I could not save. I am trying to find a way to bring her back to life, but it is taking a while. I'm just so glad your safe.", said Lord Kane of the Skies as he hugged his step-daugther.

", Thank you father.", said Rin as she cried softly.

", No, thank your family.", said Lord Kane as he looked toward Sesshomaru.

", Thank you, everyone!", said Rin as she hugged her little ones before hugging her oldest sons. They all heard a voice in the wind as they got settled that said...

_", Yes, the heart of the matter, lies deep inside everyone. Humans and Demons alike.",said Rin's mother Starkira as she looked apon her family._

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I hope you all enjoyed it. It's what I do. Bye!


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